"Why would I sail with any of you?"

I'm lost in the middle on an endless ocean. After 3 years with the absence of cherry blossoms, I know the sweat of my brow never dripped once. Eventhough there's no wind; I'll never touch the same water. Standing on a helm as the Captain of the ship but my crew can see that I can't navigate, cook or even use swords. Occasional tempest and tidal waves would disrupt my voyage but they can never break the bow and the mast. Now with a new crew, I believed in a new hope as well as false hope that was given to the late Captain when my batch of people joined the crew.

One year after, I decided to become the shipwright and upgrade the ship that can conquer the seven seas and outrun any other. To my surprise, our ship went into combat. I trust my crew, my leaders and my ship. However I got onto a boat and flee from the ship discreetly. I rowed away and away. Suddenly my instinct told me to stop. Sigh... I looked at the ship with green sails. Should I go back?